Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Button

There are certain events in life that you cannot shake, no matter how hard you try.  

Like...The Button.

A few years back...OK, it was twenty four years back and my cousin, Cheryl, was getting married.  It was to be the first run in my bridesmaid career and as a senior in high school, I was so excited.

I remember loving my dress.  It was pink and long and pink and flowy with big pink sleeves and pink lace.

And did I mention that it was pink?  (Does anyone have a picture??)

Not only that, but I got to wear pumps that were dyed a matching shade of pink.  Pink heaven, that's for sure!

The wedding itself was beautiful and after everything was said and done and they were off honeymooning, the family went back to my Aunt and Uncle's house.  They had some friends visiting and we were all just hanging out in their living room.

 My mom was/is somewhat of a freak of nature (and I say this lovingly...sort of) in our family...tall and thin and blonde, who ate whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.  

Freak.  Of.  Nature. 

And if you know me in real life, then you know I look exactly like her.


  Anyway, my mom walked into the living room looking tall and thin and blonde in a gorgeous blue skirt and top  (I still remember that suit and looking back, I think it should have been kept as a souvenir) and sat down on an ottoman.  We were all just talking, somewhat on our best behavior because the neighbors were also over, when a bullet shot through the room and ricocheted off the walls.


In suburban Safe City, Illinois.

Chaos followed.  People screamed and dove for cover. My cousin Laura and I buried ourselves on the couch.  My Aunt dropped the jello salad.  The neighbors assumed the 'duck and cover' position.  My Uncle looked frightened.  My cousin Tim started to cry.

OK...Tim didn't really cry...but I think he was probably close.

Pure mayham.

Except for my mother, who started to laugh.



Turns out that when my tall, thin, freak of nature mother sat down...she blew a button.  The button holding her skirt together.  The button holding a morning a Flop (our family's favorite coffee cake) and an afternoon buffet and probably a hand full or two of cookies.  Throw in some wedding cake and some party peanuts...because this is how she would eat, for reals, and then it happened.

That little button just couldn't take it any more.

And it blew.

It blew with such force that it was like a bullet shooting from a gun. 


The craziest part is that everyone just went about their conversations after all of this, like it was a normal, everyday occurrence.  And sadly, in our was normal.  Not that a button almost taking out an eye is normal, but crazy things were always happening.

  Conversations resumed.  My Uncle spackled the wall.  My mom found her button. 

Not sure the neighbors ever visited again, though.  At least when we were visiting.  Not that I blame them.



  1. Well, now that I've stopped laughting, I think the REAL truth should come out! Yes, I was tall, thin and blonde and in those days I could eat whatever I wanted. (Whatever happened to those days :-(). Now...the reason that button flew off my skirt was because my wonderful brother-in-law, John, tried to push me off the ottoman. The stomach on my thin body was being held in because I had eaten so much, but when he shoved me, it sort of expanded and the bullet...oops, I mean the button shot across the room. Blame it all on John!!!!!

    I'm not so sure I like being called a 'freak of nature'!!! still owe me $20. Pay up girl!

  2. I'm glad you liked your pink bridesmaid dress! Of course I have plenty of pictures, but right now I don't have a computer that will talk to a scanner. I can get you some pix if you want! As I recall, the bridesmaids wore gray shoes with their dresses. I didn't want anyone to have to spend the extra money to dye them. Do you remember I even had a pink wedding cake?

    Pink does make the world a better place, you know. I got away from pink for awhile, but now I am always looking for ways to bring a little more pink into my world. I'm thinking that a pink purse and pink ballet-style flats will be next.

    I'm going to a wedding in June, and I love what they are doing with bridesmaid dresses nowadays. The bride picked out a fabric, and the bridesmaids could pick any dress by that manufacturer. Each will have a different dress but in the same fabric. It makes so much sense that they can each pick a dress flattering to their figures.

  3. I thought my dad didn't shove Aunt Jan, I remember him swatting her on the butt!

    There's a commercial that has a flying button- maybe we should get royalties. Maybe would could reinact it and all 'hit the deck' again.

  4. Slapping her butt it was! Like firing a cannon! Her out fit was so tight I wanted to see what would happen. There are still button marks on my furniture. (indentations in the wood)It seemed as if that button would never stop bouncing off vases and wooden furniture in the Living room. Yes, I have pictures. Will have to get them from album

  5. I have been laughing so hard!!! I completely forgot that my darling Uncle slapped my mom on the butt!!!! Oh my word...that is SO funny!
    Someone needs to send me a picture of Cheryl's wedding so I can put it up...please?!
    Probably one of the funniest memories ever..though I haven't written about the toll booth OR the parking garage. Yet. =0)

  6. I still remember your mom "fixing" the headlight on the old gold Chevelle. She was at a stop light, and the headlight went out. She grabbed a hammer, got out of the car and hit the headlight with the hammer. Amazingly, it worked!

  7. Why is everyone picking on me???

  8. Because we love our favorite relative that's a lingerie model!

    (is Michele old enough to remember that? I'm sure there's some photos somewhere)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...