Sunday, July 19, 2015

It Seems... if I've been gone more this summer than home.  And it's true.  No major trips this summer so we've been taking lots of little overnighters here and there...some with friends and some just us.  It's been fun...we're vacationing all around this huge state that we live in and seeing lots of fun things.

Last week?

San Diego.

We toured the USS Midway and it was absolutely incredible.  I'd definitely go back...but then again, I'm a history nut.  Fun to meet and talk with many of the men who actually served on her and just wander around for a few hours.

I've felt like life is a bit topsy turvy the past few months and sometimes getting out of dodge is just what the doctor ordered.  A change of clothes, a toothbrush, that guy that I like so much and the hotel tonight app and we're set to go.

Oh, and the youngest shrub was away at camp, which made everything much, much easier.

That night we wandered the Gaslamp district and, well, we bar hopped.  The food was really, really good and so were the cocktails.  Our new favorite is a place called Searsucker and I really, really wish it was closer to home so we could pop in there tonight.  They have this form of grown up cracker jacks...kind of a chili caramel corn that I couldn't stop eating and maybe I'm glad they aren't so close to home.

It felt good to be free for a little bit.  Raising a houseful of boys all these years has been, and continues to be, a journey.  We get the routine down and it suddenly changes...someone grows up and it feels like we are in a constant sea of change.  I'm getting better at adjusting to it all and I'm striving to embrace  things as they come...while still failing miserably.  I'm a mom, after all.


The next morning we visited yet another California mission...I'm slowly checking them off my list.  

I wonder while I'm anywhere older than me...what stories do these walls hold?  This floor...who walked on them?  

I guess that's why I'm writing here still...because someday someone might wonder who we were and what we did and how we felt and what we ate.  

The inside of the church was so pretty...quiet and simple and the perfect place to sit and pray for a few minutes.  Oh, and light a candle or two.


We wandered into Snooze last minute, right before they closed, for a quick brunch.  I love that this place makes me feel like I'm home in just has that Boulder sort of vibe to me.  Plus the food is so very, very yummy and I still feel like I could eat there every single day and never get tired of it.

And now?  Now we're home again.  Yesterday was a full day of thunder and lightening and rain followed by a huge wave of humidity that has me questioning where exactly I live.  SoCal never ever has thunder and it was a little creepy..and today is more of the same.  My garden is so happy's well watered and everything is growing so big and lush.

Lots of boys in and out and there is always a crowd here at suppertime.  Tonight, most likely while that guy that I like so much stands under an umbrella, we'll grill up some strip steaks for tacos and serve it with all the regular fixin's.  My plan for today was clean out my bedroom but instead I'm binge watching Army Wives on Netflix...this weather seems to call for that anyway.


Sunday, July 12, 2015

Thankful For Light

I've been waiting for the lull of summer to settle in...that sort of quiet time where one sits and reads a book by the pool followed by a leisurely supper.

Hasn't happened yet.  It will...or at least I think it will, but it hasn't happened yet.

Full, full days.  Good days.  Long days.

I'm thankful for the days.

The nights have been hard.  My anxiety over life stuff is keeping me tossing and turning when all around me are sweetly sleeping.  I can't even pinpoint one's just that I feel something.  Big somethings, like there is a change I need to prepare for.  I've had long conversations with God in the darkness of night and while I know all the things that are swirling around me are out of control are being held in His control, they all feel so out of my control that it seems like too, too much.

It's a lonely place to be, in the dark.  It's way too easy to forget that the sun will rise again in the morning and the light will come.  It's easy to over think and over analyze and over talk to myself.  It's easy to settle in to a 'really God?' place...into a 'how come?' place and a 'no one else gets it' place.

The nights have been long.

And then it happens.  Sleep finally comes and my brain shuts off and He gives me the rest I so desperately need.  And when I open my eyes there is sunshine...glorious sunshine and days that are packed full.

This is a season and this too shall pass.  I'm ready for some answers to some big life questions and I know that next summer when I am sitting one morning and drinking my coffee, I'll have one of those wonderful 'aha' moments where I think 'oh, God.  I totally see now.'

I do those without faith, without a belief in a higher would I, myself, get through the dark valleys?

My God is so big.  I am so small.

Back to the light.  We found a really sweet coffee place nearby...the kind of non chain coffee place where they just assume you will be staying long enough to drink your latte there and so they serve them up in big mugs rather than a paper cup.  The kind of place where you just take that unrushed 10 minute coffee break that we, as always rushed and in a hurry peoples, feel too rushed and in a hurry to take.

It's glorious and after you sip your coffee and walk back to your car you think...'oh yeah.  That's how it should be'.


In Busch boy news, Matthew is now in Nebraska on his summer long adventures.  His corps performed last night at Mile High Stadium in Denver and while we wanted to be there in person, we were able to watch the performance live on the web.  Can I get an 'Hallelujah! Amen!' for technology?

Alex was offered, and accepted, a new full time job this past week.  The days are long and his bank account is so very, very happy...he's happiest when busy.  He's still awaiting another big decision that should come soon...and so we wait.  still.

And Brian?  Still healing, still living his last summer of high school to the fullest.  

And so, today, I'm sitting in the the sunshine.  I know the night will come and I'll slow to that point where my brain will work overtime again but until then, I'm focusing on the light.  On the laundry.  On the big pot of gravy with meatballs and sausage and ribs that is slowly cooking all day.  On the floors that need to be mopped.  On the fact that my loves are healthy.  

On God.  That he's in charge of this crazy earthly place and not me.


Monday, July 6, 2015

We've Been Where?

The big garden is in transition and as of this week is looking so...alive, even though this picture makes it look kinda brown.  There are tomatoes and green beans and pumpkins and watermelons and grapes and peppers and cucumbers and beets and radishes and zucchini and yeah, I went a little overboard this year but it just feels so good to be digging in the dirt while the sun is shining.

It's my quiet place and let's face it, I need a quiet place.


So that guy that I like so much and I headed out of town with some friends for a few nights to Temecula.  We had our own villa overlooking a vineyard and my oh my oh my...the bathroom.  THE BATHROOM!  I have never before had bathroom envy but we had the most incredibly beautiful bathroom I have ever been in.

It was perfect. I know, because in 2 days I took 4 baths in the most incredible tub ever.


We played cards and ate really good food and went wine tasting and toured a winery and played lots of cards and didn't turn the tv on once the whole time we were there.

Quiet seems to be my theme lately.

In the midst of the heat God sent us the most incredible thunder and lightening storm ever.  We drank wine and watched it happen around us and once the storm passed over the air...oh, the air.  It smelled and felt so fresh and clean.

I love that.

I should have bought this sign.


Luke and I work together and can't seem to ever leave our line of work.  Stop signs are everywhere.


That guy that I like so much and I needed this getaway.  He's been working so very, very hard and there is just a lot going on in our little world right now.  It's not all bad and it's not all good but it's all part of the greater plan and sometimes I feel as if I'm on the outside looking in and watching it all unfold.

But then I sit back and realize that that is how God wants it...that he wants me to not be in the drivers seat no matter how hard I try.  He wants me to sit.  He wants me to wait.  He wants me to stop bargaining with him and to definitely stop trying to control every little aspect of my life.

The thing is...I feel as if I am being cradled in love.  I feel it...yet I still question? 

Rested, and feeling ready for re-entry, we took the scenic way home with the top down on the convertible.  The road was windy and so beautiful and then suddenly we were back on the freeway and headed towards a barky dog and a boy who needed an MRI on his hand and a toilet that keeps flushing itself all. night. long.

(That guy that I like so much fixed it.  Whew.)

And then, because we can't seem to sit still, we drove out to see Matthew and his drum and bugle corps.  See the guy in the yellow shorts conducting?  That's our boy.


He and his sweet girl are touring all summer, teaching.  Matthew is a trumpet instructor and Bri teaches color guard and it was so nice to be able to sneak in one last dinner with them before they head out on tour.  It is so fun to see our growing up boys do what they love to do.


Back in town, Brian marched in our neighborhood parade, cast (and flat top and glasses) and all.   We actually went to see an afternoon movie, Alex was in Santa Barbara with Emily, Brian was hanging with friends and so it was relatively quiet around here.

Quiet again.  It feels good.

I'm not ready for it all the time, but I'm appreciating the moments.


And now, here we are on another Sunday night.  I'm eating the last of the lime pie and making my list for the coming week.  Hiking is high on the list...there's been a bit too much pie consumed lately.

It's worth it...but I've got a lot of miles in my future.

Summer, so far, feels good. 


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