Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Closure is an interesting thing.  

I love my little piece of the world wide web that I occupy and while I share lots of pieces of me and bits and pieces of my family, there are many things I choose not to ever blog about.  That's the beauty of blogging...you can do whatever works for you.   I've never believed that's it's my job to change the the world or sell something or force my beliefs on others...I've always just felt that this is a place for me to share a little piece of my life with the hopes that someday my grandchildren might get a sense of who I was.  That life in this little house on this little street was pretty darn good...that I was just, I dunno, normal.

Whatever 'normal' means.


Last Thursday my Grandfather died.  I'm sad, though I hadn't seen him in a long, long time.  My family is not, ummmm, I don't know...connected?  So while I was sad at his passing and sad that I didn't know him in my adult life, I am more sad for the fact that that piece of my life is now over.  That all those really great childhood memories are now just that...great childhood memories. 

Anyway, my extended family is...splintered.  It's been that way for a long time and over the years I've spent many an hour thinking about how and why and what and when.  It hasn't consumed me, but it's always been there.  A sadness, a hoping for it to be different, a wondering if it could be changed.    

I was sad when I found out that my Grandpa was dying, but it was more than that.  I was sad that the people who should have let me know, didn't.  I don't know why I let it bother me so much, but it did.  I just wanted them to want to be a part of my life as much as I wanted to be a part of theirs.

I wanted them to want to call me.

I've prayed so much about all of this and the answers just never came.  Even before last week, I just prayed and prayed that they would want me.  That they would love not just me, but my beautiful, kind, funny, smart, smelly and normal boys.  That they would see what I've become.

Today though, I was given closure.  It happened in such a clear quiet way that I was shocked.  No one slammed a door on me or hung up on me, but in a phone conversation it became so apparent to me that it's all over.  We have shared a past but there won't be a future.  I have wanted it to be so much more for so long but now...but now?  Now there is this huge sense of peace.

I wouldn't have expected peace.  I think I expected sadness...but not peace.  I wasn't ready for it last year or even yesterday, but today...well, it was God's timing.  Just an ordinary Monday in January and God gave me closure.

And so, here I am...just an ordinary girl living an ordinary life.  But it's more, so much more.  I've come to realize that God does his best work on the ordinary days...that his hand is not only present during the big stuff.  That when he speaks, it isn't all about thunder and lightening bolts.

That sometimes the most important stuff is whispered and not shouted.

That the closing of a door isn't always bad, isn't a negative, isn't tragic, isn't ugly.  That the closing of a door is sometimes just the closing of a door.  And that the room you are left in is good...and full.  Full of boys and bills and laundry and chores...and love.

And THAT is what He wants me to see.


  1. Michele,
    I am sorry for your loss. I do believe we are kindred spirits. I have had many of the same family issues.
    Take care of yourself. I always look forward to your posts. E-mail me sometime, if you can. dlc1228@gmail.com

  2. Michele, I too am sorry for your loss. I didn't even know you still had another grandfather alive, since Grandpa Maisel died when I was in high school and you were even younger.

    I wish we lived closer so that we could see each other often, but I am so glad you are able to come and visit once in awhile. Maybe some day I will be able to scrape together enough money to come visit YOU!


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