Friday, May 4, 2012

Flying Away

Change is in the air at my little house on my little street...lots and lots of change.

My oldest is moving home from college today, graduating tomorrow and leaving for a European adventure the day after.  He's so grown up now and just seems to have it all together...or as together as one can have it when they have so many balls up in the air.

As if that's not enough change happening in my little world, boys #2 and #3 are also is off to a new adventure of his own and one is moving on to high school.

I suppose in the big scheme of things it is probably easier to have it all happening at once, but I'll be the first to admit that I have that anxious feeling deep in the pit of my stomach...that feeling of who will be where and when and how and why.

Being a mum to this houseful has evolved so much...from day to day hands on to simply overseeing.  Last night all three were here including Matthew's girlfriend (who lives in a different state) and I sat at a stool in my kitchen and watched them all eating and laughing and arguing and just hanging out...and they all seemed to be so carefree.  Worry free.  Happy.

Aside from Brian, my youngest, I have no control over this next stage...and while I am trying to piece together all the details, they are just living exactly how I hoped they would.  They are just living each day for what is, planning for the futures and not stressing over the little stuff.

But I have spent the last 22 years planning every single little thing.  Meals planned.  Homework done.  The house cleaned.  Laundry done.  Sports schedules managed.  School events handled.  Birthday parties planned.

So last night I kept asking them for the plans.  

'Have you?'
'Did you?'
Will you?'
'You should...'

And just like I did with my parents, they did with me.  They looked at each other and rolled their eyes and gave each other that all knowing look that said 'here she goes again...'

I know that look well....I've given it off many, many times.


I'm trying...I'm trying so hard to let them all fly.  To watch them stand on their make their lives happen.  To make mistakes and let them fix them, rather than swooping in and fixing everything right away.

It's hard to not question every little decision I've made regarding each of them.  At the time I felt I had done my best, given my all, loved them so much it hurt, taught them to love God.  I was there...not because I had to be, but because I wanted to be.

But did I do enough?  It's so easy to say 'maybe I should've' or 'maybe I could've' or 'if only I would've'.

Are they ready to fly?  

Or better I ready for them to fly away?


  1. God bless waterproof mascara...I cried like an Inga while reading this. :) xoxo

  2. Michele, this is so poignantly & profoundly penned! (yes, I like alliteration, but those are the words that came quickest & from the heart) Brings back my own musings & misgivings each time one of our three embarked on adventures I didn't imagine for them!

    On a lighter note, will you tell me the best route to Old Town Orange & name of your fav.Cuban restaurant? Ruth's coming home for a few days next week & I want to take her there!(6 day break between spring semester & summer school in GDL)Gracias, Gwen


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