Thursday, March 28, 2013

Unsettled


My girlfriend threw together a happy hour the other night...this same girlfriend is the one who got me hired on in a little part time job four years ago that has blossomed into, well...something a lot more.  We hadn't all seen each other since before Christmas, so it was nice to catch up and hear of all the news...our kids all grew up hanging in the trees of our little neighborhood together and now they are all grown up.  Which means, I guess, that we are too.

When did that happen?

Yesterday I threw a massive, as in 7 pounds massive, frozen pork roast in the crockpot with a bunch of spices and let it cook all day long.  By supper time it was falling apart tender and was served up with some cilantro/lime rice, black beans, tortillas and various other toppings...probably one of my boys favorite meals.  

That guy that I like so much?  Experimented with a new cocktail.  Why?  Because it was Wednesday.  And the verdict?  Good.  Very, very good.

It was nice to have a night at home.  We sat at the table, boys coming and going and sitting and eating and chatting about their days and I just kept thinking about how much I like all of them.  How great they are...not in the 'my kids are perfect' sort of way because that is far, far from the truth but in the 'wow...they are really cool people' sort of way.  I am blessed to have raised them...but I'm also blessed to just know them.

Life continues to be move forward and yet wrap around itself and repeat patterns from the past.  Brian is now in full on training like his brother before him and is eating us out of house and home.  It's almost disturbing the amount of calories the two living here consume...we're back up to five gallons of milk a week, still holding steady at two dozen eggs and showing a slight decrease in the peanut butter department.

Crazy.

Our nephew has been a regular fixture here this semester as well...sleeping and showering and eating and it is so fun to have yet another boy under this roof.  We don't have lots of room to offer but this little roof of ours is on top of a a big, big home...and sometimes when you are away at college, you just need home.  A place to just be.  I love that we can be that place for others...that resting place.

I was feeling a bit down earlier this week...feeling like I never really embraced Lent this year.  Feeling like I'm just kind of holding things together around here.  Feeling like I'm always one step away from falling.  Feeling disconnected from those that I should feel connected with.  Feeling inadequate.  Feeling like Satan has his hand clamped down on my shoulder.

I don't like that feeling.

I began taking some time in my early mornings again...time in the quiet with just me and a big mug of tea and my bible.  I'm reading through the psalms and just spending some quiet time praying.  I am still feeling...I don't know, unsettled maybe?  Not sleeping well doesn't help much either and I'd like to say that those feelings all went away the moment I put my being back into the Word but nope, they haven't.  But once again my body was wide awake 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off...il segno is what we say in Italian.  A sign.  

Okey, dokey God.  Here am I.  Here am I.  Here am I.

 So today.  Here we go.  I'm always asking my boys for their thankful list and today I'm going to put together my own.  I'm going to seek out the good and take note.  Try not to 'just get through the day' but to savor it and take the time to be thankful for it.  Join me in that?

=0)



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