Monday, August 4, 2014

Ants In My Pants

The very last full weekend of summer vacation has come and gone.  I'm almost in shock that summer went so quickly this year but come tomorrow, I'll be helping to motivate my team to get ready for the coming school year.

But first there will be coffee.  Sadly...we're out, which means I have to go buy some in the morning.

Oh well.

Truth is...I'm antsy.  I'm not quite sure why but I am.  I think maybe it's the lack of any type of schedule that's caught up to me.  Or maybe I'm just tired.  Or maybe it's because I'm in that in between place...the place where I know summer is ending and the school year is beginning.  I'm feeling like there are lots of things that should be done but haven't been and my motivation seems to be on the back burner.

Tell me I'm not alone?

Summer means lots of comings and goings in our little house on our little street and maybe that's where my antsy-ness comes into play too.  Matthew has been traveling the country and each morning it's a guessing game as to which state he and his drum and bugle corps are in.  (New York, today.  Indiana tomorrow.) Alex is gone more than he's here...and at the age of almost 21, that's what he should be doing.  

And then there's Brian, who's social calendar puts ours to shame.  Bottom line...I'm a bit tired and scatter brained just trying to keep up.  

The thing is...I'm not complaining.  Long ago when my life was quiet, painfully quiet, I wished for this.  For a family life that was full and busy and noisy and messy.  I dreamed of this.

To me, this is complete.

That being said, complete brings with it a certain amount of exhaustion.  


As we sat in church this morning I was looking around at all the other families.  It's so easy to compare ourselves to others:  does that Mom have it all together?  Her kids sure look well groomed.  Does that family juggle bills like we do?  Are there engine lights on in two of their cars, too?  That couple looks happy....I hope he treats her the way mine treats me.

My thoughts should have been on the cross.  On salvation.  On communion.  It took me a long time to get to that place in my mind this morning.  On the way home I was telling that guy that I like so much that I just couldn't focus; I couldn't seem to take the 'me me me' out of the equation.

I don't like that feeling.

So I came home and threw on my shoes and in the heat and humidity of the afternoon, I went for a hike.  Quiet music, no friends, no phone.  Just me, with the intent of talking my thoughts out to God, of asking for forgiveness, of asking for a bit of redirection.

I did all that.  And I'm still waiting.  And that's ok.

We've started a new series, having caught up with House Of Cards,  called Sherlock.  Love, love, loving's quirky and interesting and funny.  The lime tree is exploding with limes so our latest cocktail is one of my faves...caipirinha's.  The humidity here is rivaling Brazil, so it seems fitting of late.  

Suppers have been typical summer: lots and lots and lots of things on the grill.  The garden is so pretty right now...hoping to squeeze in a few more parties before we all start back to real life.

So here we are.  It's Monday morning.  Happy new week, everyone.


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