Happy Wednesday

Our summers, for the last 10 of them at least, have centered around following Matteo and his drum and bugle corps adventures.  For the last three years he's been an instructor and yet we still follow every move his group makes and I'll admit, this years show took a long, long time to grow on me.

And then, a few weeks ago, it clicked and I think it was one of their best shows ever.  Too late for the judges, which is way sad, but that guy that I like so much watched the last few performances live...hoping for a glimpse of our boy on the sidelines.

Lucky us, we did.

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It's a grueling life.  Travel by bus for hours on end.  Sleep in a different gym every night.  Rehearse 12 hours a day and perform almost every night and then repeat the whole thing all over again in a different state.

This year Matthew chose to not take a break in the middle and stayed the whole summer and by the end he was just tired.

Really, really tired.

He flew in, slept a few hours, ate and then packed up his car and drove 5 hours home because he had to start back to work at 7:00am the next morning.

Poor guy.

In the meantime, Emily came for the weekend and life is a whole lot crazier when she is here.

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That guy that I like so much is experimenting with making homemade bitters for his cocktails.  Every day he shakes and smells and gets all dreamy eyed at them which makes me laugh.

Only two more weeks until they're done.

My garden...MY GARDEN!

And, for the record, I have discovered that one of lifes greatest pleasures is picking green beans.  For reals.  I'm loving those green beans this year and there are so many of them!

Oh...and beets and radishes and cukes and zukes and poblanos and pumpkins.  Like, 50 pumpkins.

I planted 12 pumpkin plants thinking a few wouldn't take.  I was wrong.

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Growing beets is easy.  Peeling baby beets?  Not so much.

Totally worth it though.

The weather is changing a bit...suppers in the garden are still suppers in the garden but as the sun goes down, a slight, very much welcomed chill sets in and I've actually had to grab a sweater the last few nights.

We're milking it for every moment and last night I finished reading The Girl on the Train while sitting under the twinkly lights and if you haven't read it, you should.  It was so good!

This boy...he's so sweet.  Does he have to grow up?  His girlfriends name is Briana and Matthew's girlfriend is Brianne and then there's my Brian...I've taken to just calling my people 'hey you'.

A mothers brain is an interesting thing.  I can remember what I ate 18 years ago but for the life of me I cannot remember to buy milk at the store, even when it is the ONLY thing on the list.

Sigh.

I've spent all of last week and most of this doing my online certification course for one of my programs.  It's a drag, plain and simple.

But guess what?  I passed with 100%...now to fly across the country to do the classroom portion.

That guy that I like so much is away on a retreat, Alex is at the beach and Brian is at football.  The house is SO very quiet...and SO very clean.

I'm thinking there is a pedicure in the cards for today and a long walk with our silly dog.  Other than that?  Not much.  Not much at all.

So when Dad is away, suppers are interesting.  Tuna casserole is a crowd pleaser and something that guy that I like so much won't eat no matter what...mainly because it was the only thing I cooked for the first 6 months of our marriage.  I was creative though...I baked it, made it on the stove, and one time I even sliced it and put it in the toaster.  

Yum.

I still like it...him, not so much.  I get it, but don't tell him that.

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Falling Back Into A Routine

I'm sitting at my kitchen table and the house is blissfully quiet.  Alex is at a military work out, Brian is at the beach, that guy that I like so much is back at his office and I am finishing (ok...I haven't even started yet) an online certification class that I need for one of my out of state programs.

Oh, and I just ate half a pb&j and am sipping an ice cold diet dr pepper.

Paradise...except for the fact that we are in week three of hammering and banging outside my window and every gardener (which I truly am thankful for...really) in the free world is working out front (with blowers).

Can you hear it from where you are?  Probably.

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I'm overstimulated and think I might just throw in the towel and go lay by the pool.

Our zucchini plants are prolific (my, that's a big word) this season and I've taken to picking the flowers and have stuffed them, fried them, tossed them in salads and my new favorite way?  Quiched them...as in, put them in a quiche.

Yum.

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that summer is over already.  I mean, it's still kinda here but then again, it's not.  It's still too hot for my hiking trail and on most days we've resorted to turning on our AC but I'm finding myself beginning to crave things like pot roast.  And a turkey dinner.  And beef stew.

And I've already purchased a few Christmas gifts.  For reals.

I'm also dwelling a bit too much on the things I haven't done that I thought I would've done.  Things like paint the house.  And tile the backsplash.  And watch Parenthood on Netflix.

But I need to keep my eye on the ball.  I've lunched with boys.  Broke bread with friends.  Dug in the dirt and played in the sand and taken long car rides with that guy that I like so much.

The house stuff is still going to be here.  My boys won't be and that's a place I cannot even begin to enter.  Yet.  So I won't.

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The woman below spends her days mixing flour and water and patting and rolling and frying tortillas.    Her countenance seemed so peaceful and I couldn't help but wonder what she thinks about while she's working...laundry?  Children?  How annoying it is that people watch her all day long?  

I imagine her as having it all together at home just from the way she so calmly works.  It's funny how we think we can figure others out when we really have absolutely no clue about what the real story is.  

Those tortillas, by the way?  Phenomenal.  

I'm cooking an oven meal tonight after biting the bullet and self cleaning the oven most of the day.  I hate the smell when I do that so it's a necessity to cook something that will make the house smell good...roasted chicken with onions and garlic and potatoes with homemade biscuits and honey on the side.

Probably one of my menfolks favorite meals.

It feels good to have some sort of routine again...I can't believe I'm even saying that.  Remind me of that next month when I'm dreaming of long, lazy, stay in my pj's all day sort of days, ok?

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Oh, What A Summer!

I was gone and then I was back and then I was gone and then I was back again.  What a crazy summer it's been!  We spent a lot of it putzing around all different areas of SoCal and it's felt good to stay mostly close to home.

In big news though?

Humidity.  We're not used to it and have no desire to be used to it but we've been forced to deal with it thanks to a lot of tropical storms in the Pacific that have turned our usual summers of paradise into a hot, sticky, pretty close to unbearable and 'oh my word, turn on the AC now puhlease' summer.

We've sweat.  A lot.

I had a list of things I had wanted to accomplish this summer and scratched off absolutely none of it.  Truth be told, part of the reason I've been absent is that our world was feeling quite dark and we needed to spend a lot of time figuring out what our next move was going to be.  There were many, many, MANY sleepless nights and a whole lot of 'ok, God...the ball is in your court' and then, out of the blue we received a very clear cut answer.

It's hard to trust...but I do.  I really do.  And I believe God was waiting to see just how far we'd surrender.  Cryptic?  Yeah, a bit.  Sorry about that.  

Other than that, one of our summer highlights has been following Matteo ping pong balling around the country.

I love that he trusts enough to follow his heart.

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 The big garden is INCREDIBLE this year.  All that humidity that I've hated?  My garden has loved every minute of it and every lunch has involved some sort of salad with lots of fresh picked veggies in it.

Yum.

Took a little road trip for a pupusa... a loroca pupusa that my oh my oh my.  I'd love to make them but they involve a lot of love and I'm pretty sure I'd fail that part miserably and would probably end up throwing things and (gulp) swearing out loud (just keepin' it real) because they seem (and I'm sure they are) so labor intensive.

So thank you to all who make them.

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California is dry this year and aside from crazy thunderstorms here and there, all is brown.  Everywhere.  It's going to be a horrible, scary fire season this year.

 In other boys news?  Alex is working out like a crazy person and Brian is getting ready for football season to start, as well as his Senior year of high school  Wow.  It's here...it's really here.  His first college app...the one he's hoping for an early acceptance to is due in a few weeks.

Yowza.

We'll be empty nesters in a year.  

Party at our house?

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 Last weekend we took one final getaway back to our happy place...San Diego.  I absolutely love it there and was so excited to go back.  Our hotel was in the center of the Gaslamp District and had the best roof top terrace...the perfect end of summer place to hang out.

We drove down with friends...they dropped us at our hotel and then went on their way to a neighboring city where they were staying for a wedding while that guy that I like so much and I had a really great time just hanging out.

The next day we all hooked up again in Old Town and my oh my...I love it there.

 It was the perfect, end of summer hurrah.

As of this morning, we're back to work.  And while trying to smile and be excited...it's a bit sad and hard to wake up to the alarm clock again.

Sigh.

Oh...and I love this picture of our friends.  I dragged them into the church to light a (electric?  really?) candle but caught them laughing with one another on the steps outside.

We know super groovy, fun, loving people who just seem to make this world we live in a better place.  We are SO blessed in the friend department...so very, very blessed. 

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So today I got up and worked from home for a bit, took the dog on a really long walk, watered the garden, cleaned the oven, pulled leftover frozen carnitas out of the freezer for supper and then watched a movie with my eyelids covering my eyes.

Summer, you've been good.  See you on the flip side.

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It Seems...

...as if I've been gone more this summer than home.  And it's true.  No major trips this summer so we've been taking lots of little overnighters here and there...some with friends and some just us.  It's been fun...we're vacationing all around this huge state that we live in and seeing lots of fun things.

Last week?

San Diego.

We toured the USS Midway and it was absolutely incredible.  I'd definitely go back...but then again, I'm a history nut.  Fun to meet and talk with many of the men who actually served on her and just wander around for a few hours.

I've felt like life is a bit topsy turvy the past few months and sometimes getting out of dodge is just what the doctor ordered.  A change of clothes, a toothbrush, that guy that I like so much and the hotel tonight app and we're set to go.

Oh, and the youngest shrub was away at camp, which made everything much, much easier.

That night we wandered the Gaslamp district and, well, we bar hopped.  The food was really, really good and so were the cocktails.  Our new favorite is a place called Searsucker and I really, really wish it was closer to home so we could pop in there tonight.  They have this form of grown up cracker jacks...kind of a chili caramel corn that I couldn't stop eating and maybe I'm glad they aren't so close to home.

It felt good to be free for a little bit.  Raising a houseful of boys all these years has been, and continues to be, a journey.  We get the routine down and it suddenly changes...someone grows up and it feels like we are in a constant sea of change.  I'm getting better at adjusting to it all and I'm striving to embrace  things as they come...while still failing miserably.  I'm a mom, after all.

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The next morning we visited yet another California mission...I'm slowly checking them off my list.  

I wonder while I'm anywhere older than me...what stories do these walls hold?  This floor...who walked on them?  

I guess that's why I'm writing here still...because someday someone might wonder who we were and what we did and how we felt and what we ate.  

The inside of the church was so pretty...quiet and simple and the perfect place to sit and pray for a few minutes.  Oh, and light a candle or two.

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We wandered into Snooze last minute, right before they closed, for a quick brunch.  I love that this place makes me feel like I'm home in Colorado...it just has that Boulder sort of vibe to me.  Plus the food is so very, very yummy and I still feel like I could eat there every single day and never get tired of it.

And now?  Now we're home again.  Yesterday was a full day of thunder and lightening and rain followed by a huge wave of humidity that has me questioning where exactly I live.  SoCal never ever has thunder and it was a little creepy..and today is more of the same.  My garden is so happy though...it's well watered and everything is growing so big and lush.

Lots of boys in and out and there is always a crowd here at suppertime.  Tonight, most likely while that guy that I like so much stands under an umbrella, we'll grill up some strip steaks for tacos and serve it with all the regular fixin's.  My plan for today was clean out my bedroom but instead I'm binge watching Army Wives on Netflix...this weather seems to call for that anyway.

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Thankful For Light

I've been waiting for the lull of summer to settle in...that sort of quiet time where one sits and reads a book by the pool followed by a leisurely supper.

Hasn't happened yet.  It will...or at least I think it will, but it hasn't happened yet.

Full, full days.  Good days.  Long days.

I'm thankful for the days.

The nights have been hard.  My anxiety over life stuff is keeping me tossing and turning when all around me are sweetly sleeping.  I can't even pinpoint one thing...it's just that I feel something.  Big somethings, like there is a change I need to prepare for.  I've had long conversations with God in the darkness of night and while I know all the things that are swirling around me are out of control are being held in His control, they all feel so out of my control that it seems like too, too much.

It's a lonely place to be, in the dark.  It's way too easy to forget that the sun will rise again in the morning and the light will come.  It's easy to over think and over analyze and over talk to myself.  It's easy to settle in to a 'really God?' place...into a 'how come?' place and a 'no one else gets it' place.

The nights have been long.

And then it happens.  Sleep finally comes and my brain shuts off and He gives me the rest I so desperately need.  And when I open my eyes there is sunshine...glorious sunshine and days that are packed full.

This is a season and this too shall pass.  I'm ready for some answers to some big life questions and I know that next summer when I am sitting one morning and drinking my coffee, I'll have one of those wonderful 'aha' moments where I think 'oh, God.  I totally see now.'

I wonder...how do those without faith, without a belief in a higher being...how would I, myself, get through the dark valleys?

My God is so big.  I am so small.

Back to the light.  We found a really sweet coffee place nearby...the kind of non chain coffee place where they just assume you will be staying long enough to drink your latte there and so they serve them up in big mugs rather than a paper cup.  The kind of place where you just take that unrushed 10 minute coffee break that we, as always rushed and in a hurry peoples, feel too rushed and in a hurry to take.

It's glorious and after you sip your coffee and walk back to your car you think...'oh yeah.  That's how it should be'.

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In Busch boy news, Matthew is now in Nebraska on his summer long adventures.  His corps performed last night at Mile High Stadium in Denver and while we wanted to be there in person, we were able to watch the performance live on the web.  Can I get an 'Hallelujah! Amen!' for technology?

Alex was offered, and accepted, a new full time job this past week.  The days are long and his bank account is so very, very happy...he's happiest when busy.  He's still awaiting another big decision that should come soon...and so we wait.  still.

And Brian?  Still healing, still living his last summer of high school to the fullest.  

And so, today, I'm sitting in the garden...in the sunshine.  I know the night will come and I'll slow to that point where my brain will work overtime again but until then, I'm focusing on the light.  On the laundry.  On the big pot of gravy with meatballs and sausage and ribs that is slowly cooking all day.  On the floors that need to be mopped.  On the fact that my loves are healthy.  

On God.  That he's in charge of this crazy earthly place and not me.

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We've Been Where?

The big garden is in transition and as of this week is looking so...alive, even though this picture makes it look kinda brown.  There are tomatoes and green beans and pumpkins and watermelons and grapes and peppers and cucumbers and beets and radishes and zucchini and yeah, I went a little overboard this year but it just feels so good to be digging in the dirt while the sun is shining.

It's my quiet place and let's face it, I need a quiet place.

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So that guy that I like so much and I headed out of town with some friends for a few nights to Temecula.  We had our own villa overlooking a vineyard and my oh my oh my...the bathroom.  THE BATHROOM!  I have never before had bathroom envy but we had the most incredibly beautiful bathroom I have ever been in.

It was perfect. I know, because in 2 days I took 4 baths in the most incredible tub ever.

Sigh.

We played cards and ate really good food and went wine tasting and toured a winery and played lots of cards and didn't turn the tv on once the whole time we were there.

Quiet seems to be my theme lately.

In the midst of the heat God sent us the most incredible thunder and lightening storm ever.  We drank wine and watched it happen around us and once the storm passed over the air...oh, the air.  It smelled and felt so fresh and clean.

I love that.

I should have bought this sign.

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Luke and I work together and can't seem to ever leave our line of work.  Stop signs are everywhere.

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That guy that I like so much and I needed this getaway.  He's been working so very, very hard and there is just a lot going on in our little world right now.  It's not all bad and it's not all good but it's all part of the greater plan and sometimes I feel as if I'm on the outside looking in and watching it all unfold.

But then I sit back and realize that that is how God wants it...that he wants me to not be in the drivers seat no matter how hard I try.  He wants me to sit.  He wants me to wait.  He wants me to stop bargaining with him and to definitely stop trying to control every little aspect of my life.

The thing is...I feel as if I am being cradled in love.  I feel it...yet I still question? 

Rested, and feeling ready for re-entry, we took the scenic way home with the top down on the convertible.  The road was windy and so beautiful and then suddenly we were back on the freeway and headed towards a barky dog and a boy who needed an MRI on his hand and a toilet that keeps flushing itself all. night. long.

(That guy that I like so much fixed it.  Whew.)

And then, because we can't seem to sit still, we drove out to see Matthew and his drum and bugle corps.  See the guy in the yellow shorts conducting?  That's our boy.

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He and his sweet girl are touring all summer, teaching.  Matthew is a trumpet instructor and Bri teaches color guard and it was so nice to be able to sneak in one last dinner with them before they head out on tour.  It is so fun to see our growing up boys do what they love to do.

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Back in town, Brian marched in our neighborhood parade, cast (and flat top and glasses) and all.   We actually went to see an afternoon movie, Alex was in Santa Barbara with Emily, Brian was hanging with friends and so it was relatively quiet around here.

Quiet again.  It feels good.

I'm not ready for it all the time, but I'm appreciating the moments.

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And now, here we are on another Sunday night.  I'm eating the last of the lime pie and making my list for the coming week.  Hiking is high on the list...there's been a bit too much pie consumed lately.

It's worth it...but I've got a lot of miles in my future.

Summer, so far, feels good. 

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