Ready For Calm

I took the Myers Briggs test a few weeks back and my results were the same as when I took it a decade ago.  I had felt like maybe they might be different...that maybe I had changed a bit.  But then again, I haven't.  I still like to watch and listen and dance and sing karaoke.

I'm still just me and the results of this test?  Very fitting, I think.  

Last week I had a 2 hour break in between work stuff so I went into California Adventure and rode the giant ferris wheel while eating my lunch.  Life felt peaceful and calm and I was feeling so thankful...4 hours later I would be in an ambulance with my 16 year old son.

Life has felt very much full of extremes lately...extreme calm followed by extreme chaos.  Usually I'd like to stand on the line in the middle but now?  Now I'd like extreme calm.  Please.

Brian was home with me on Friday...he had an MRI followed by breakfast out and then home to watch Dead Poets Society.  His pain level has been manageable though he is taking 3-4 advil at a time.  I jokingly told him that I thought I should keep him home forever and homeschool...he, in his sweet way, told me that he'd consider it.

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We were referred to a fancy schmancy physical therapy place...the kind of place where pro's are rehab'd.  I knew instantly that our (very good) HMO was not going to be accepted there and was told that it wasn't, but that Brian was accepted there.

Ummm...seriously?

They worked him for 2 1/2 hrs on Saturday and will do the same for the next 7 days...the thinking is that they can get him back to playing in the next few weeks.  

It pays to know people.  It pays to know God.

Church on Sunday was an INCREDIBLE mass at a local catholic church.  That guy that I like so much's choir sang there and the mass itself was awesome.  Chanting, cantors, a priest who gave a great sermon, hymns...it felt just like Europe except we could understand what was being said.

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I have been returning to a love of mine...a love of writing scripture.  I have always loved reading it out loud...I feel like I understand it better and I love the way it sounds when being read, but there is something, too, about writing it out.   Especially the letters in the new testament because they are just that...letters.

I love the friendships that my boys have with others...the kind of sibling relationships that are safe and comfortable and easy.  Another reason I love it?

I get cookies out of it.  Not that I can eat them but the smell?  Oh my.  Is there any better smell than that of warm from the oven cookies?

This weekend it hit me.  The ambulance.  The memories back to Matthew's first stitches and surgery and Alex...oh Alex.  And then Brian.  I filled the tub with hot water water and loads of bubbles and lit some candles and poured myself a glass of wine and just soaked.  Soaked and prayed and cried a really ugly cry.  

This motherhood game...it's hard.  The bath helped.  The wine helped.  The praying helped.

Calm usually follows chaos and I am more than ready for that.

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