Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Continuing On

I spent yesterday morning walking on the beach, crying. Actually, I'd call it weeping...but tears are tears. Right?

An older woman walked by me and very kindly said, "this ocean is made up of mothers' tears" which made me think...how many mothers have cried their hearts out over their children?

Every single one, I suppose...for one reason or another.


In between meetings with the fabulous support circle my son has surrounding him, I squeezed in a teary coffee with a girlfriend...and walked away exhausted but calm.

I'll take it.

In the midst of chaos God has presented the calm of my backyard which is bursting into life...though I am in a raging battle with the snails.

Snails are icky.

When we first moved here from Colorado, my boys had never seen snails before and thought they were the coolest thing ever...they'd collect pails full of them and beg me to let them keep them as pets.

Life was simpler then.

Our lemon and lime trees are in full bloom...so many new buds that have me dreaming of tall, iced cold glasses of lemonade made from our very own fruit. Funny, but they are winter trees so I'll just have to wait until October when they ripen.


In all honesty, I am weary. The burden feels too heavy. I want to fix what is broken, but I can't...instead I have a front row seat on the sidelines of my boys life. A life that is at a crossroads. We (his family and those that love him so very, VERY much) are on one side, smiling and laughing and waiving our arms, jumping up and down and cheering for him to walk down our path. Plain and simple...satan, with his destruction and despair and loneliness, is on the other road. He, too, is encouraging my boy to travel his way.

So I pray. And wait. And watch.

And hope.


  1. oh friend my heart breaks for you. prayers, hugs and much love going your way

  2. I love what the lady on the beach said to you! Prayers are still coming your way!!!! xoxo

  3. Oh, Michele...there are no words. i'm not a mom, but i know well the pain my own mom has gone through over the 3 of us, and i know that there are no words. i was praying for you just now and what I saw while praying was that He had no words for you either; he was just holding you and your family close against his heart and hurting with you. i really hope you can sense that.


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