Monday, October 26, 2009

The Uni's

It's book fair week at Brian's school and in my 'can't say no' former life, I agreed to co-chair it.

And I am whining even though my girlfriend is my cochair and she has done all the work...I'm just showing up and smiling and talking and playing cohost.

It's a rough life, but somebody has to do it.

But in between being there all week, I'm also committed to that little job that is actually paying me cold, hard cash. Oh, and running a houseful of boys.

The actual house...not the blog.


So the house is dirty, the laundry is piled, and the floors are sticky...thanks to son #2 and a 2 liter of rootbeer and a little shaking action. Lord, give me strength.

But in really, really exciting news...I won something adorable and cute from my cousin, which I am going to post about tomorrow because I can't seem to get pictures uploaded and this news deserves a picture.

But stay tuned because it is SO cute!


This morning I trained the first of my last batch of new crossing guards and can now sleep at night knowing I now have lots of subs.


Part of my job involves interviewing people and figuring out whether or not they would make good guards. I meet them in a public place, though I have recently given up on the dining room of the golden arches...mainly because half of them either don't show up or ditch me (by excusing themselves to use the restroom) once I mention the words "background check", and I don't like smelling like Big Mac's for the rest of the day. And I actually like Big Macs.

So now I've moved my 'office' to the local coffee house because quirky people already hang out there, there is free WiFi and hello?'s pumpkin latte season.

Friday I set up a bunch of interviews. I got there a few minutes early, ordered a hot tea, plopped a red hat on the table and began my wait.

And what began as just another day quickly became the UNI day.

First up...unibrow man. I don't want to be rude, but I have never in my life seen a thicker, larger eyebrow (singular tense). Wow. He gave me the creeps but fell into the category of 'background check, I'm outa here".

Second up...unisex. No kidding...I interviewed Pat from SNL. There are only so many questions I could legally ask and I, for the life of me, could not figure him/her out. But I liked him/her and sent him/her on his/her way to be fingerprinted knowing that there is a box on the form that he/she will need to check regarding whether he/she is a him/her.

Third up...unibomber. It is in NO WAY fair to judge, but when he pulled up his pant leg to show me his electronic monitering device and told me he couldn't be within a certain number of yards of a school I almost laughed out loud. I started to look around thinking this has to be a test and I am either being Punk'D or that I am going to be on Candid Camera.

For reals.

Ummm...crossing guards cross school children. By then he started to get really creepy on me and weird and scary and I had a fake meeting to go to, so I thanked him and told him that I would get back to him. I then took a 28.2 mile detour home, just in case I was followed. Which I wasn't, but I wasn't entirely sure at first.

But if I was, he followed me to my neighbors house anyway. Hope they locked their doors...


1 comment:

  1. So, are you going to hire the guy with the electronic monitoring device?????


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