Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Quiet Of The Morning

I'm sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee with sugar free peppermint mocha creamer in it and eating part of a leftover cafe rio burrito...not a normal combination but a rather yummy one for this quiet Saturday morning.

Oh, and hello?  They're building a cafe rio 1.5 miles from my house.  Amen.

Anyway...that guy that I like so much is presenting at a conference and the boys are sleeping (it's super early for them - 9:00am) and the house is quiet aside from  wyndham hill playing softly in the background.  I had bad dreams last night and didn't sleep well...dark dreams where I did horrible things and I kept waking up feeling yucky.

Over the last year I kept having a reoccurring dream and it was one I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried.  I didn't tell many about it but did share with a few close to involved a death.  The same scenario over and over.  I'd wake in the dark of night in a sweat, gasping for breath, feeling panicky.  It was one of those out of control situations and I'd get a drink of water and pray and usually would fall back into some sort of sleep.

There were big decisions being made at that time in our little altering decisions and it wasn't until all those were (somewhat) made did I begin to sleep in a restful sleep sort of way.  And I'm thinking those dark dreams about death were not so much about death but about the fact that doors were going to be closed, major decisions were being made and an ending (of sorts) was near. 

Was it all a just a preparation for me of what was to come?  

In Italian we say 'il signo' - a sign.  

I believe it was.

And so this morning, as the sunshine was streaming through the open windows,  I was led to read James...I needed a reminder after this work week to be praiseful with what comes from my mouth rather than curseful.  I actually need that reminder daily, especially the last few years...I tend to speak and then think and I absolutely hate that quality about myself.   After being reminded of the curse of a loose tongue,  I kept reading and he went on to say that if I submit to God then the darkness will flee.  

I love the word flee.  I picture it as running, tail between the legs, not looking back.  

So if I come to God, he will be with me.  How cool is that?  I find such comfort in the fact that He is always there waiting.  Not sleeping, not running errands, not distracted.  He's just there waiting all the time.

All. The. Time.

Flee darkness.  Flee.

Last night we went to see Brian play in his football game.  We've taken to sitting way off to the seems as if (and I'm sure this is not always true) that the really intense parents are on the 50 yard line while the rather lower key parentals are more towards the 25 yard line.  

True for your games too?

We sat there, three of us because Alex came along, too and we had such a great time.  There was a lot of cheering for our boy and there's just something magical about sitting under the lights on a warmish night and hearing your boys name announced over and over on the loudspeaker.  We talked about absolutely nothing of stuff and the Broncos (always the broncos...haha) and food and life and it was just a relaxing, fun time.

But best of all, Friday night football games are another good reminder of separation...that the week has ended and the weekend has begun.  

I'm thinking I need clear reminders lately.

And so today, this Saturday, I've got a few projects in mind.  My closet is going to be cleaned out and I'm pretty sure I will have to remind myself that I need an intervention when it comes to buying any more long flowy tops.  Houston, we have a bohemian shirt issue happening in this girls closet.


And then there will be some time just being at home in the quiet...well, as quiet as a hallmark movie or two can be.  I'm thinking that's pretty quiet.  I need the break from work, from chaos, from trying to be everything to everyone and everywhere all at the same time.  

And so,  here I sit.  My coffee needs a warm up and that's probably the fastest I'll move today.

Happy weekend, my friends.


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