Friday

Yesterday was warm and sunny...perfect for a car wash day.  I sure am thankful for this car...not sure how long it will last (it's a company car) though I did hear I am going back to my old job (as in the job I  really, really like) next school year.  Here's the thing...I've been doing this new project for the last few months and it almost broke me.  But now that it's up and running I don't want to hand it off...I want to be a part of it.  

I'm psycho.

I love wandering the aisles of World Market...so many interesting things.  Mushy peas?  Ingredients...peas, water, sugar and green coloring.

Ewwww.

But then, I hate peas.  HATE.

I hiked just under 5 miles yesterday and then walked another 2 miles around our lake...I just couldn't relax.  So much going on in my brain...I need summer.  Soon.

Speaking of summer...I've decided to take one.  My little shop is closing next week for a little hiatus.  This mama needs some down time, time to get my creative back on, time to rest, time to pray, time to do nothing.

The interesting thing?  I had decided to take a break earlier this year when my job got bigger and so I had pulled all my online advertising.  But then...the orders kept a comin'.  And a'comin.  And a'comin'.

I'm thankful...but tired.

So once this last batch goes out, I'll be shutting her down for a few months...but don't worry, like Arnold, I'll be back.

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As of today, my big work project is almost over...today the work load is cut in half and next Friday I will be off for the summer.  Lots to do before then...but I can see it and taste it and feel it.

I'm ready.

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A Little Tuesday Party

My mornings for the last few months involve this:

Me, at dark o'thirty, sitting at my computer while working a bunch of phones.  By Friday my job will be cut in half, by next Friday it will be cut by 95% and on June 25th....summer.

It'll be summer....and I cannot wait.

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Some are already in summer mode...the gaggle of boys in our world are all home for summer and so we had them and our friends for an easy Tuesday supper in the garden.  A little chicken, a little pesto pasta, a fruit salad and some fresh bread...all thrown together in an hour and gobbled up in half that time.

I love that it was last minute.  I love how much we laughed.  I loved how I forgot about the stress of my little world for a few hours.

I haven't been able to shake this anxious feeling that I've been having...that anxious feeling that has me up and out of my bed at 3:00am.  So many things going on in my pea sized brain and I'm struggling with how to process it all...worry and sadness for a friend who lost her dad, worry and stress over summer and the lack of income that comes with that, worry and more worry about a few other things going on.

I just can't shake it.

The thing is?  None of it is new.  It's all stuff that is on the same revolving schedule of our lives...and it always, always works out.

A lot of it is the lack of sleep.  A lot of it is being over worked and feeling unconnected with my 'real' life.  A lot of it, most of it...all of it?   A lack of quiet, uninterrupted prayer time.

And I'm feeling it.

But I'm also feeling like God has been holding me all together through this time...that He is allowing for this season for a reason.  This busyness.  This anxiousness.  This lack of sleep.

To make me aware, perhaps?  To make me keep Him first?  To make me...not comfortable?

Ahhh...the questions that arise in the middle of the night.

And then there's the state of my house to add to my worry.  This pantry?  I would just love for someone to come and clean it out and organize it.  Any takers? 

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I guess I should get some shut eye...my alarm is set to go off in just over an hour.  I do love the quietness and stillness and darkness of the early, early day...and I love sitting at my kitchen table and watching the sun slowly wake up my little street.  I've got the perfect view of it all from where I begin my workday...and that is a huge blessing to doing what I do.

I need to focus a bit more on the beauty of that today...rather than the stuff I can't control and can't fix.  

Hmmmm....

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Alrighty, Alrighty

The fact is, I have two crazy weeks left of work before summer vacation begins...two crazy weeks where I am doing two different jobs for my company.  These last few months have been pretty fun, pretty exhausting, pretty stressful...but overall, I like where I work and I like what I do.

But I'm ready for summer.

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Here's the latest:

Brian was sick last week.  As in, really sick.  The flu hit him hard and no, he didn't have a flu shot.  We hung out at home and watched lots and lots of movies.  Poor thing missed a whole week of school which is no fun, but oh well.  It's his freshman year, he has (or had) good grades, so what can you do?  It it what it is.

Saturday morning breakfast...a sausage and veggie frittata and almond croissants, eaten in the garden.

Heaven.

A trip to Cost Plus, where that guy that I like so much spied something he'd like.

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And we, for the 7th year in a row, drooled over these chairs.  I just want one, any color.

Please?

Think they'd notice if we just sat in theirs every night around happy hour?

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A really yummy supper involving a rack of pork, garlic smashed potatoes and a bottle of cabernet.

Happiness amongst all the coughing in our little house on our little street.

My biggest boy came home for the night.

Sigh.

Best thing ever.

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We had to take out an azalea tree but were left with a cherub who loves the sun.  

Me too.

Three rather tall and thrilled boys on an early Sunday morning.

They were happier after church when we fed them Portillo's.  Just keepin' it real.

As for me?  I was fed, in a big way, at church.  Love hearing God's word.

The kitchen counter in my little house on my little street.  Minus the codeine, which tastes better straight out of the fridge.

Sort of.

In the state I live in, high school kids have to pass a physical fitness test.  Matthew didn't have to take it, Alex failed because he couldn't touch his toes and now Brian apparently 'needs improvement' in the weight category.  Have you seen my boy?  The boy who is all muscle?  The boy who is more athletic than anyone I know?

I am livid.

Beyond livid.

Not even sure where to go from here, but I cannot sit back and let this go.  No wonder people have complexes about themselves.  

(And FYI...Brian doesn't know about this.  We chose not to share it with him because he would be upset.)

I have ways of coping with anger and they all involve food.  

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Either make bread or make pasta...so this time it was pasta.

Kneading things is very therapeutic and makes me...calmer.

Sunday supper...a shredded beef ragu with homemade fettucine.

Yum.

Hope you all had a good weekend.  

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The W's

What:

Farro.  It's my new favorite food.  Roast a bunch of veggies, boil up some farro, make a quick vinaigrette, and eat.  Eat lots and lots of it.  If you are a good planner then you'll also add chunks of feta...but it's still great if you are not a good planner.

Trust me.

Who:

Boys #1 and #3.  Bonding over a big bowl of garbage fries.  Garbage fries, you ask?  Among other toppings: spam, beef, jalapenos, cheese, a fried egg and a bunch of other 'garbage'.  Eww...but they liked them.

What:

My boys...they all carry themselves exactly the same.  Cute.

Also pictured...my photo bombing ear.

 Who:

These boys.  My heart.  Love who they are individually and who they are when they are together.  

When:

This weekend the family was all in town.  The big cousins were all together and there was lots of laughing and teasing and late nights and snacks and, well...fun.  I'm always happy when they're here and sad when they leave...I guess that's the perfect kind of company to have.

What:

A burger bar.  Burgers, lots of toppings, baked beans, a pesto pasta salad.  Even though there was some complaining (sigh),  it fed a crowd with minimal prep and minimal clean-up.  

I like that.

Oh, and there was sangria.  Really, really good sangria.

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Where:

Sleeping bodies in every nook and cranny.  Adults get beds and privacy.  Anyone younger doesn't.

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Who:

Had all my boys home for the weekend...and then some.  Their lives are all busy now, too...and so I'll take whatever time I can get. 

Where:

Drove my oldest home, rescued his car from the shop and got to see his new place.  Nice to be able to have the time to do that....and happy that his car is once again in his possession.  

No more thefts.  Please.

I've missed this little space of mine...it's nice to be back.

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Ready For Tomorrow

I prayed for rest.  I prayed for a break.  I prayed for life to slow...for me to be able to catch my breath.

And yet, life just kept moving forward.

And then, in the midst of all life's busyness,  it happened.

This weekend happened.

There were quite a few suppers in the garden...and a few breakfasts, too.  The fountain, with the help of the muscles of our middle born son, was repaired by that guy that I like so much.  Errands were run...to Lowes and to Target and to the expensive hoity toity grocery store, all with the youngest boy in tow.  Books were read, games of cribbage were played, Sangria was drunk.

Mama....that's me, is happy again.  And whole.

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Tomorrow...well, tomorrow is going to be full.  But somehow having had this long restful weekend, I am ready.  Ready to hit the ground running, ready to handle the stresses and problems that work will bring, ready to handle it all.

Positive thinking is the biggest chunk of the battle.

It feels so good to have bread dough already made and in the fridge, ready for baking this week.  The laundry is done...not just done, but folded and put away.  The kitchen is clean and there is a brand new Bachelorette ready to be watched.

Life....it's good right now.

(I need to keep reminding myself of that...otherwise I start thinking too much and getting stomach aches again.  Just keepin' it real...)

We settled in tonight and watched a Downton Abbey and WHOA.  Still hooked.  Still behind everyone else.  Still...shocked.  Thought I'd read most of the spoilers but this one caught me by surprise.

Still love it.

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A Long, Long Weekend

I've been a bit overwhelmed these last few months and I've felt myself crumbling in the last week.  It's not a feeling I have very often and not one I like...but it's one I just haven't been able to shake of late.

And then God said...let me give you a weekend.  A nice, long weekend.

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But first there had to be speed bumps...a crisis at work 2 minutes before the end of my work day that had to be handled and was one of those situations that made my blood boil.  This has been my year of dealing with difficult personalities and I know I am in my position for a reason...but I am so ready for summer that I can taste it.  

But then, the weekend happened.  A long, non work filled weekend.

We had a few garden parties.  I hammered out some jewelry.  We ate some good eats, laughed at an old movie, sang one of my favorite songs in church.  We researched auto alarms for a 1995 car which seems ridiculous, but is something I think is going to have to happen.  I booked us a vacation.  Did some laundry.

Napped in the sun.

God gave me such a beautiful gift these last few days and the best part?  There's a whole day left.  

I actually had myself a good cry in the shower yesterday...the kind of cry where you aren't really sure why you are crying except that you just can't keep it in anymore.  And so I cried, let it all out and then napped in my happy blue chair in my garden.

I woke up rested.  Relieved.  Relaxed.

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Today after church we ventured to a little German village right near where Brian was training in Huntington Beach.  That guy that I like so much discovered that the hof brau haus had 20 beers on tap that were direct from his motherland and so we sat and drank and ate things served to us by women with attitudes who happened to be wearing lederhosen.

I guess I'd have an attitude, too.

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I love German food.  Well...I actually love food...but what's not to love about meat and potatoes and gravy made with gingersnaps in it?  And a moment of silence for red cabbage, please.

YUM.

Came home and napped.  Another short, sweet, nap.

Life right now seems doable.  Three more weeks until summer.  Three more weeks of 12 - 14 hour days (for reals) seems doable.

I...well, I can do this.

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Tomorrow will be a laundry day.  A hanging out at home (other than a hike in the morning) day.  A pot roast cooking day.  A bread making day.  A day to give thanks day...thanks for a sweet, sweet weekend.

Tuesday will come...but not yet.  

Happy long weekend, my friends.  Praying your weekend was restful, too.

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