Aloha

Last weekend we boarded a plane for the middle of the Pacific Ocean for a week in paradise.  Just me and that guy that I like so much and 45 of his best and brightest.

During hour 5 of the flight, they offered a complimentary Mai Tai and, well...who am I to say no?

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Truth is, we needed this little get away.  Sure, there has been lots of work involved for that guy that I like so much, but there has also been lots of down time...time for us to hang on the beach and just to be Michael and Michele and nothing more than that.

Our hotel is amazing...absolutely amazing.  You walk out the front door and the beach is RIGHT THERE.  Like, right there.  

And yes, I know I live 6 miles from the Pacific back home but my Pacific is freezing cold year round.  Our sand gets warm but the water temp never does and there is just something about warm ocean water that I (along with sharks) love.

I'm a beach girl through and through...until you put me in the mountains and I become a mountain girl.

I'm complicated...or multi faceted.

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I tagged along with the choir for the first part of the trip and on the second morning we sang at the church of some old friends.  I love the kind of friends where you totally start talking like you had seen each other for coffee the day before even though it had been 8 years.

Have I mentioned that I am blessed in the friend department?

After that I sort of disappeared for a bit of the trip.  They spent a day giving more performances and  I parked myself on a beach chair and didn't move for a whole day...I read and people watched and napped and swam and repeated that whole scenario over and over throughout the day.

And the next one, too.

I love how sometimes God shouts to me...not quiet gentle whispers but all out, in my face shouting.  That's how this trip has been to me.  He has shown me my fears in such clear ways...in this case, I have been surrounded by young military guys everywhere I 've looked.

Do you know how many military bases are on this island?  

A lot.  

We have a boy who is entering that world and is neck deep in the process.  It's him.  It's who he is and what he's wanted to do since he was in high school but he waited because we asked him to.  He waited a few years, working hard and saving lots of money and basically growing from a boy who wanted that life to a man who wants that life.

We've been a part of the whole process because he's including us in it.  Nothing is set yet because of some fun stories I'll tell once he's a bit farther in but things are moving quickly.

And I've been feeling distant from God.  I have plans for my boys and I'm also afraid.  Of what, I'm not sure...but then again yes I am.  

So God sent me along on a trip with that guy that I like so much where I have spent the last week watching young men like my son play on the beach on their down time.  Watching them laugh and play around and act normal has been the greatest gift I could have been given at this stage of the game.

As a mom, I needed to see that more than I ever begin to tell you.  

Other than that I've worked and caught up on bible study and just played the role of beach bum to the best of my ability.  

We've also had a lot of fun dinners out with new friends and old friends and have had quite a few mai tai's.   And, thanks to my sister in law, another new favorite...chi's chi's, which are pina colada's with vodka instead of rum.  My oh my...I love them so very, very much.

My other new favorite thing in the whole wide world is an acai bowl.  OH MY.  I had never had one before...frozen acai berries blended with other berries and topped with granola and fresh banana.  I've eaten one every single day and I am almost teary eyed thinking I won't be able to find them back home.

SO GOOD.

When the sun becomes a bit too much (or I need a bathroom break), I simply head to the banyon tree hotel for a mahi mahi sandwich before heading back to the chair and umbrella I'd rented for the day.  

And at night we venture back for the really great music and man oh man, re-entry into real life is going to be really, really hard.

But for a few more hours I am not moving.

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I am going to bottle some of this and bring it home with me...some of this peaceful, easy feeling.  The slow pace, the vacation feeling, the aloha spirit.

Remind me of this next week...ok?

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Aloha!

Transitions

After 7 years of running the basketball snack bar, with this being my view for all the home games...I'm retiring.  For reals this time.  Next year I want to watch my boy (who will be a senior) play while I sit in the stands.

I'm putting this in writing as proof to myself.

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Two things.

The candied bacon and ricotta bruschetta was incredible

and

I am so making that palazzo punch for a garden party this year.

That guy that I like so much and I have been like ships passing in the night.  He's been working 7 days a week and while I know it's the season, I miss him.  A lot.  We did the completely geriatric thing and had a 5:15pm dinner at Maggiano's because it was all he had time for.

Lot's of young children and they removed the veal porterhouse from the menu...but still, it was a really great night.

PS,  We bring our own bottles of wine with us everywhere we go now.  

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Matteo...you need this.

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Winter in southern California means we pick and choose the days we get our cars washed.  

Should I tell you that I've been wearing flip flops?

Kyle came to share his news...he has a ship out date for Army basic training.  I love this boy like one of my own and I tried to hold it together but failed miserably.  I am SO proud of him...he is an incredible young man.  

This house that we live in is so very, very little but the number of boys that have passed through our front door...who have eaten at our table and hung out for hours on end?  Many.

We are so very, very blessed.

I'm a teary eyed mess lately.  I've got one boy with a big birthday coming up and I'm missing him.  I've got another who I'll share about soon..it's all good but the waiting process is hard.  I've got a 3rd who is looking at colleges but he's found one within 1 1/2 hrs of us that he is very interested in, so we need to go check that out.  

I guess it's just a transition stage for us and I'm needing to get out on my hiking trail and process through all of this stuff.  I don't do as well with things that are up in the air...I like to know what's what and then I'm good.  The unknowns and what if's are driving me crazy and I'm being called to trust...and I'm struggling with that.

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A Bunch Of Random Stuff

A month ago I was reunited with these cool cats; we spent hours upon hours sitting in this driveway when we were young.  Going back in time does funny things to you...it makes you remember where you came from and where you've been and what you've become and how very, very, very blessed of a life you've lived.

I used to sneak out of my house (next door) to sit on that driveway.  Pretty sure I could've just walk out the front door but what thrill is in that?

THIS DOG.

All snug in my bed the other night and I hear clanking from the kitchen.  Turns out he'll clean up any leftover food left on the counter while we're asleep.  

But seriously...how sweet is he?

(Don't ask that guy that I like so much...)

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My trail.  Yes, it's mine.  Soon to be switched out for another trail once the weather warms just a bit more because the creepy crawly snakes come out when the the temps go up...but until then?  It's mine.

Lets of deep thinking and praying going on out there and it's healing.  And hard.  And good.

Florida gave me the most glorious storm while I was there...thunder and lightening and my oh my.  This program is a bit of a thorn...and bit of a rose, if that makes sense but that storm helped ground me a bit.  Made me feel small at a time when I needed to be made small.

Yeah...I face timed my dog.  Well, I was face timing my houseful of boys and BuddytheDog got in on the action.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

THIS quesadilla.  Steak, black bean and fried plantains.

For reals.

Think they deliver from 2,500 miles away?

Airplanes over freeways.

Odd, yet kinda cool.

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A Valentine's gift from one of my boys girlfriends.

Sweet and cute.  

I have totally failed in the creativity department.

It's Friday and the I'm off to hike a few more miles.  There's a basketball snack bar to work tonight, so I've got a pot of soup ready to go to feed the family.  That guy that I like so much has a packed weekend but I've got pretty much nothing going on...and I can't wait.

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Let's Catch Up

I'm going to be honest here and say that I haven't written for a long time because the words are too hard right now.  I have lots to say but it comes out all jumbled and crazy sounding and while I have been writing every day, I've been choosing to not hit publish.

I'm processing lots of stuff right now...some of it ugly and some of it good.

Life stuff, you know?

Anyway...let's catch up on some things.

1. The weather.  SoCal rocks, people.  Chilly and foggy and drizzly mornings become warm and sunny afternoons.  

2. Household stuff is at an all time high.  Laundry never ends.  Dishes never end.  The floors are always in need of a sweep.  The cabinets are in need of a clean out.  I'm in need of a wife.

3. Wild mushroom bruschetta.  No words.  No words at all.

4. Me and him.  He and I.  He's working like a crazy person (and now it's Lent) and I've been traveling and working like a crazy person.  We had a great lunch date at Disney a few weeks back where I talked non stop until his eyes got all glassy and he just stared at me.

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I'm missing him.  That's all.

5.  The champagne aisle is one of my favorites.  Just sayin'.  

6. When you haven't seen your loves in a long time and have 15 minutes to throw enough food on the table to feed 10 people, you punt.  Taco's (along with a large pot of rice to stretch it all out) to the rescue.  Win win.  No one went hungry and everyone got to make it their way...like at Burger King.

7. Speaking of Burger King, I used to work there.  Permed hair and all.

8. I spent 5 days in Florida where I was challenged professionally and felt like a dog that's  been kicked over and over and over.  It was rough and in the end, I flew home.  We have a contract, albeit a strange and interesting one and I did a very small victory dance once I got into my (business class, amen) airplane seat.

9. Crutches.  A staple in our life.  His torn hip flexor is reinjured and he can't bear any weight on that leg for 4-6 weeks.  Poor baby.  He's so gosh darned good natured about life in general...not quite sure where he came from.

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10.  Oh my.  Stop growing up, Brian.  Please.

So, that's pretty much it.  I'm working from home today and have plans for a long hike this afternoon followed by a roast chicken dinner.   The house is relatively quiet...two of my boys have had the flu and the coughing is beginning to subside.  Poor guys.

All in all though...we're good.  I'm needing to turn lots over to God to handle but my human self is holding on for dear life...not sure why I do that?  Probably because I'm human.

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Winter Formal 2015

I've been traveling and just returned home...but before I left the youngest shrub in our little house on our little street went to Winter Formal.  Our school doesn't do a formal Homecoming so they throw in this dance at the end of the semester.

Pictures are always at the lake at the end of our street and the dance is held at Knott's Berry Farm.  Yeah...Knott's.  They get all dressed up and while the dance part is in their huge hall, the kids all spend most of their time riding roller coasters while dressed to the nines.

Strange?

Uh huh.

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Brian has a sweet girlfriend named Brianna.  Not to be confused with Matthew's sweet girlfriend who is named Brianne.  The good Lord knows I can't even remember my own childrens names, so why not give them all the same name?

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After pictures they boarded a party bus...basically we all pitch in and rent a huge limo bus to take them and bring them home.  Along the way they stop for dinner...this year?

In n Out.

Perfect for a bunch of basketball guys and their dates.

These guys have played ball together for a long time; it's fun to see them all together and dressed up.

This was our 11th winter formal.  11th.  It's all winding down here...one more and we'll be done.  Not sure how I'm feeling about that...it's such a fun ride that we're on.

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Do Overs

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't get back to sleep.  I did all the usuals...I read a bit, checked facebook (gulp), tried counting sheep.  Nothing worked so I finally climbed out of bed and went into the cold family room, cuddled under my favorite quilt and by the light of the fire had some quiet time.

My brain has been working overtime this week...the kind of overtime that I think is the work of Satan more than it is the work of God.

I've been thinking a lot about do over's and what if's.  What if I could back in time?  Would I do it the same way? Could I be better?  

And I remembered a part in the book of Esther...the part where she was soon to be called to save her people, to stand up for what she knew to be right even though it could have cost her her own life.  The part where Mordecai tells her that 'maybe this is why you were chosen to be queen.'

I absolutely love that part.  Esther needed a little nudge and he gave it to her.  Essentially he was telling her to step forward, do the right thing, act on your calling.

And...she did.  She did.

Which makes me think...have I acted on my calling?  Is this for what I was made?  

I'm pretty sure it was to be a wife and a mom...but have I done enough?  Did I play with them enough?  Laugh with them enough?  Love them, correct them, redirect them enough? 

I think so?  

But was I nudged to do things differently and then not listen?  Has He spoken (and I know he has) and I just dismissed it?  

Esther did do the right thing and because of her, that lineage that she helped save, has saved me.  

All because she listened.

Am I listening?

I've spent a lot of time out on my favorite hiking trail this week.  Brian and I had a deal...I'd hike a mile for every point he scores during his games.  Week one he scored 5 which is why I made the deal...I mean five miles in one week is more than doable.  Last week he scored 14 points (brat) and I'm ready put him up for adoption.

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But that quiet this week has been good.  I've needed it...needed to think and pray and listen.  I'll be honest, I haven't gotten any answers...just more questions.

So now it's another new week; a new beginning.  A time to start fresh.  A time to lace up my tennies and pray that kid of mine doesn't score a whole lot in his next game.

But more than that...it's a time to let God lead while I follow. Not always easy for this strong willed girl...but I'm trying.  One step at a time.